When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Today I just want to rest in your peace
Forget all about what’s happened this week
I’d rather not replay it over and over again
Just rest in your arms, breathe your grace in.
Take away all of my fears
Replace each one with truth within
Create a space inside me Lord
To lean into you, and nothing more.
And should I begin to worry and doubt
Should my mind go places that leave you out
Bring me back to you, a place of refuge and rest
Cause Lord I need only you right now.
14 October 2021
The graciousness of our God knows no bounds.
On a cold Friday morning in January some years ago, I was at one of the lowest points in my life I had ever been. For some time before that day, I had told God I didn’t want him in my life. I quit attending church regularly, quit reading my Bible, and quit praying—with the exception of telling God to go away. Leave me alone.
I was sure he didn’t care. Oh goodness, I had seen miracles in my life and the lives of others over the years, but I had cried out for help for so long I just knew he didn’t care anymore and had abandoned me. I couldn’t hear his voice. I couldn’t feel him near. Prayers bounced off the ceiling.
No matter how much I begged him to leave, he wouldn’t. How do I know? Because I knew in my heart and soul there was a spirit there. I had been walking with God for so long in my life, it was like breathing. I just knew he hadn’t left.
So on that cold January morning I found myself face down on the floor. Gasping through tears, telling God he either needed to take me to heaven or fix my problems.
I surrendered. Everything. And peace fell upon me.
Life didn’t suddenly get easy. In fact, it became substantially harder. But God in his graciousness, showed me what mercy looks like in some very poignant ways, and in time, all of my problems were fixed.
Sometimes we struggle and struggle and struggle. We grind our teeth, lash out at God and our fellow humans, don’t eat, don’t sleep, and wrestle night and day. When what we really need to do is just surrender.
Give it all to him. Let him extend his right hand, and take our hand, to lead us to a place of rest.
From My Heart to Yours,
Photos courtesy of www.pixabay.com/Pexels, /holgerheinze0, /mystraysoul