Checking your email can be very dangerous sometimes. One morning last December I received an email that no one ever wants to read. It was from someone at church telling me we could no longer have contact. I was absolutely devastated. You see, this lady and I shared many conversations about deep life hurts and struggles. All that went out the window that day.

                Several months prior, she had given me a CD of herself singing. I played it constantly. Now, I couldn’t listen to it and no longer enjoyed the peace that it brought. My emotions were in turmoil. For several months afterward, when she’d do a solo in church, I’d turn my head away. Friends would say, “That’s her loss,” but I didn’t want to hear it. All I wanted was the close bond we once shared back. God wanted to heal my heart but I didn’t accept the grace being extended. I wanted what I wanted, and wasn’t changing my mind. Have you ever been there?

                Over the next few months, a dear friend gave me counsel. My friend advised that I give her space and try again in a few months. However, as time progressed, I was encouraged to move on. Again, my heart wasn’t receptive.

              Do you know what was really difficult for me? I had to forgive her for what she had done. On several occasions I thought I’d forgiven her but realized later that I hadn’t. I was very bitter toward her.

             Many times she’d see me in church and not speak to me and that wound would re-open. I refused to move past the pain. Then a lady I really admire said something I’ll never forget. “She isn’t worth your tears.” By that time, my heart was starting to be receptive to others’ counsel.

             I was advised to pray for her and for her heart to change. But, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn’t want to pray for her. I wanted her to regret what she had done and ask for my forgiveness. But, I realized that might never happen. I’d think, “She’s moved on with her life, and probably doesn’t give me a second thought. Or if she does, she certainly doesn’t give the offense a thought.”

            I commented to a friend that all I wanted was her friendship back. She helped me see that it wouldn’t be a good thing though. She said waiting for her to do the right thing wasn’t healthy for me physically or spiritually. God wants to move me in another direction, and I have to be willing to accept that.

           And praise God, I can say that I’ve forgiven her. I’m finally free! I decided to put her CD in once more. And guess what happened? I was absolutely fine with it. I’m proud I am now able to listen to her music without any problem.