I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!
Psalm 27:13,14

I lay in my bed with tears upon my face. Thoughts of hatred on my lips as my thoughts sank deeper and deeper into a pit of sorrow.

Words of hatred at myself—condemning me for all the things I had done to deserve this new diagnosis. Once again, I cried out to God, “I don’t want to be a member of this club!”

It’s been almost a year since I found out I had had a stroke. Deep inside my brain, it is small, not leaving any affects upon my life. In fact, had I not gone to have a CT Scan done for a different problem, they would not have found this for awhile. It’s been quite a shock to me—to my system. Yet, even in its smallness, it is so large in my mind I cannot seem to fathom this diagnosis.

I have asked all of the usual questions: what, where, how, why, and when. But on this particular day for some reason the words of my neurologist from that morning exploded into a new depth—a new dimension—of unrest within me. “Though we found it incidentally, a stroke is a stroke, and we must do everything we can to prevent another one. Because who knows if the next one might be larger and do damage.” Thus began my loathing and “cursing” at myself.

Oh faithless child
where is your trust in God?
You whine and cry
when will you seek His love?
Burdens will come
some greater than you can endure
temptations will knock
there’s always escape through an open door.
Life may not be
all that you hoped and dreamed
but there is an answer
to even the most troubling of things.

Oh faithless child
quit your doubting today

~Marcell Warner Bridges
©13 August 2017
All Rights Reserved.

As I lay there settling down from my tirade I picked up my iPad to do my devotions for the day. But even before I opened my First5 app my heart suddenly said, “Think on the things you know to be true. Remember who God is.” 

My heart began to release as my mind remembered the goodness of God. His faithfulness. His sovereignty. His love for me.

Then I opened my devotion. We are studying the book of Job and that day we were on chapter 10. Job was no stranger to suffering. And if anyone had reason to complain it would be him. In fact he says, “I will give free course to my complaint.” And boy did he! Yet, within his complaining and loathing he acknowledged who God is and His sovereignty.

And as my heart gave thanks to God for who He is, it also gave thanks to God for never forsaking me and being faithful to me know matter what I may be going through.

From My Heart to Yours,

Marcie 

Think on the things you know are true. Remember who God is.

Even in Job’s complaining & self-loathing He remembered God