by Marcie Bridges, @Marcie_Bridges
and that in the end he will stand on the earth.
And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see him
with my own eyes—I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!
Where is God when all around me feels like sinking sand?
Is He in the trees or the wind?
Is He in the wringing of my hands?
Trust is something I have learned I am not sure I understand.
Forty years of walking with Him, faith is measured in an hourglass.
Thinking I knew who He was, who He is, but finding
it’s not as easy as I once thought in this faith journey winding
around bends and hills and darkest days, through foggy nights
this does not seem like my life.
There must be something I am doing wrong
something missing, where’s the puzzle piece, where did it fall?
Everything feels messed up, unsettled, shifting, unstable
my heart is melting into an agonizing puddle.
Depression could be a misery but this, this not knowing
not understanding, feeling by hands and feet in dark shadows
is so much deeper, harder, than even a flashlights focus.
I want to know how to trust like the others do
the ones who are so close to God their breath speaks only truth
their faith is unshakable, solid, in and on the Rock
when did my faith become a stumbling block?
I cannot compare myself with Job
I have not lost it all and I still have hope
I know, that I know, that I know my Redeemer lives
that is the promise I am living with.
I do not know what is causing my downcast soul
searched through every crevice, every corner, every hole
but no answers seem to find a place in my dustpan
cowering in a corner would be rather useless.
So I lift my eyes unto the hills, to the sky, to the banner
the one over me with His name written in red
the one that calls me His own and tells me I’m His
and I remain under His umbrella, resting ‘neath His wing
until the day comes when He calls me out
shedding my fears, casting away my doubts
I’ll be on the mountaintop arms outspread so wide
drinking in the offering His love has supplied.
For now, I bow my head and cry
just for a little while until this weakened spirit dies
surrendering to the truth that He who is faithful provides
I regain my strength through the joy of my Lord on high.
©24 August 2017
All Rights Reserved.
Unfortunately in all of my looking for this identity, I have forgotten that I need to focus on You instead of this one little piece. I have forgotten to seek You first.
Oh Lord, help us to seek You and only You. To find ourselves in You. As the song says, “I was that missing piece of the puzzle. It pleased Him so He breathed His breath in me. Created by His hand to fit the master plan. I was that piece that made it all complete.”*
Help us Lord to remember You made us and we are Yours. No matter what we may feel or experience today, we can rest knowing that we are complete in You.